“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”
– Socrates
“What?! How is this even possible again?” These were the words from my husband in my Bluetooth speaker as I drove from a sleepless night filled with hip imaging to my Sports Med appointment. His heart broke for me. My heart was already shattered. In trying to make light of the messy situation I found myself in, I reassured him that at least this time I had no crazy wild incidental findings and no surgical needs.
I arrived to my Sports Med appointment, not really sure what time of day it was. I had been awake for what seemed like an eternity. I hadn’t ate anything since the day prior. I hobbled into my appointment, only to be greeted by a rude medical assistant who rushed to take my normal vitals. When the sports med provider came in, it was a relief to meet someone who actually listened to my history of present illness instead of brushing me off. I already reviewed the MRI findings and she told me she was the one that expedited them in 7 hours. I thanked her for making a difference. We discussed the plan to get me back on my feet, literally, but that my skeleton really needed a huge timeout to simmer the wildfire going on. “No hip pins needed, but you were pretty close to that.” I guess I called it early enough!
I got back to my car, took a deep breath, still needing some food. I called my boss to inform him of my work restrictions for the next period of time. I really appreciate my boss’s respect for work-life balance. As an avid mountain biker, he understands how vital movement is to our lives. He encouraged me to keep exploring cycling if marathon life is coming to a dead-end.
I thought about stopping for takeout but at this point the only thing I wanted was to be home, take a shower, and get some rest. I called my mother on the way home, who only told me that “well I guess you are no longer a marathoner.” Helpful, thanks. I just about collapsed into the house when my doggo came running over to lick my face. He was the bright spot to the last 12 hours of hell.
After I composed my thoughts and had a chance to kick off my shoes, I phoned my Coach with the news that I am back to square one again, with a new bone stress injury. I fought back tears as we discussed a new game plan – a spot that I never wanted to visit ever again from 2021. However, it is a known fact that bone stress injuries can continue to haunt athletes. And here I was, succumbing to that very statistic with a new injury site but in the same skeleton made of annoying muddy quicksand. At this point, I just felt like I was trampled over.
I made a gigantic buffet dinner, when my husband finished work and gave me a hug. The entire events of the long day hit me like a brick wall.
As I sit to reflect, I find solace in the fact that I am forced to kickback (because I never do). My lab work is finally trending in the right direction, yet does a rockstar Vitamin D level mean anything anymore? Who knows! I find peace knowing that I gave this injury every ounce of scrutiny that I possibly could and advocated hardcore for solutions to my symptoms. I find enthusiasm knowing that I’ve got one hell of a team, ready to put Humpty-Dumpty back together again.
I know what the rest of the year looks like for me: a ton of rehab and the slowest process ever. (One bone cycle takes 200 days.) While I don’t have any surgery setbacks this time, I do have a higher risk bone stress site than last time. I’m still wondering, “What did I do wrong this time?” I don’t have the answers and I doubt I ever will. One thing is made clear to me: my days of running full marathons are over. I’ll be back running before the end of the year, but will not toe another starting line until my brain can trust my skeleton. And right now, there’s a war going on between those two. All I want is to return to a happy, healthy, pain-free lifestyle doing the activities that I enjoy with the people that I appreciate. I’ve got a ways to go to get there, but I’ll get to work.
It’s going to be a long path ahead, a familiar one, but maybe there’s a reason I have to go through this again. And finally, I’ll turn my frown upside down, as I embark on the next journey of the year: Rehab Rejuvenated, Day 1 of 175.
“You’re only as good as your last injury and the extent to which you rehabbed it.”
– Chris Johnson
And when it comes to rehab, I am a rockstar. I’ll be back to healthy running before the end of the year, just in time for Snow Leopard season. Mark my word.
Want to learn more about bone stress injuries? Check this out if you are curious!
Re-Energized Running 
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