“Real toughness is coming to terms with who we are and what we face, and making sense of and finding meaning in that struggle.”
– S. Magness –
What is toughness?
Toughness is sitting outside between lightning strikes writing this blog because I refuse to be inside. Actually, that is probably more like stubbornness. Toughness is not what you think. The old example of toughness was going all-in on your goal and giving it everything you’ve got, no matter how you felt. We’ve all done it at some point. One more rep. One more mile. One more lift. One more ounce of sweat. Getting screamed at and scolded for not doing your best. And maybe that person screaming at you was only your inner voice.
I recently flew through Steve Magness’s book, Do Hard Things.[1] It was not my favorite writing, but one that I probably needed for my brain just at the right time. As I sit sidelined from “most” activity, my wheels have been spinning sometimes out of control. Yet, as I dove into this book, I learned a better definition of toughness that stimulated some thoughts. Toughness is “embracing reality, being secure in who we are, embracing our feelings and emotions as messengers, fulfilling our basic human needs, and finding purpose to carry us through life’s challenges.” [1]
Not every day is filled with sunshine and butterflies – and that’s okay. Feel the ups and downs, but learn to take them along for the ride through life. And the catalyst for toughness is purpose. Purpose is the fuel that allows you to be tough, that makes you close out the last mile of a marathon, that catapults you up the last hill repeat, that keeps you grinding on the hot summer nights and cold winter mornings. Without purpose, there is no drive. Without drive, there is no performance. Actual efforts will always be inferior to expected efforts if purpose is missing in the equation of performance.
I can tell you firsthand, my drive took a nose-dive off a cliff. “Sit still for three more weeks” is not at all what I wanted to hear, despite what the literature indicates about femoral neck bone stress injuries. I know the science, but my gut tells me I am NOT the usual case in the literature. The tears steamrolled down my face like a dagger to my heart. What was the point of this wasted follow-up visit? Who knows! And my purpose for each day got harder to find. I took a breath and leaned into “getting comfortable being with your inner voice.” [1] I turned off all external noise and just really focused on myself, watered my emotional garden, leaned into the discomfort of silence, and unwinded from life. It didn’t matter who said what to me – all of it was triggering a reactive waterfall of cascading emotions.
As I resumed some activities of daily living and returned to work for the first time in 24 days, it was as if I began the journey of finding a new North Star. It was a breath of fresh air, a light in the dark, and a glimmer of a promising future. I dove into another book to boost my mental recovery, Rebound. [2] What a fitting title for exactly how I felt! “Only when you allow yourself to really feel what you’re feeling will you be able to accept where you’re at and then take the next step forward.” [2] In order to go “FAR,” we have to feel, accept, and recover. When life deals you a difficult experience, “acknowledging the trauma from negative emotions doesn’t mean you’re weak, whining, or selfish. It just means you’re honest.” [2] That’s exactly where I’m at – being honest with what I feel each day and rebounding in response to those feelings.
The North Star for me has changed courses – a different path that I never envisioned embarking on again, but here I am, open and raw, navigating my way while pivoting and adapting. I’ll still reach the summit of peak performance, but I’m finding new guiding stars along the way that I never would have found before. It’s like finding my potential in an open galaxy. I actually enjoyed swimming monotonous laps staring off into the cloudy sky at a local pool and pedaling my heart out on hilly stomping grounds on a hot summer day while blasting my “Rebirth” playlist (rebirth as in renewal, reinvigorating, and re-energized). Did I envision my summer like this? Nope, not even in the slightest bit, but the detour has forced me to take a breath of fresh air. Could this be the start of a future triathlon journey? The opportunity to become capable has arrived. It’s time to not let fear hold me back from potential and piquing interests.
Recovery is the new sport that I have taken up, not by choice, but by consequence of being too tough on myself earlier this year. “In being injured, you may have followed a path you didn’t intend to follow and your destination may not even be exactly the same as it was before, but ultimately you are still on an athletic journey.” [2] This spoke to me because I can still make something positive out of this large disruptive mess of frequent bone stress injuries, even though I have lost drive and aspirations more than ever before. I am rebounding by focusing on the smallest of wins – like walking to the corner pain-free, carving out time for myself, and absorbing the best sleep I’ve had in months. Eventually, I’ll walk my dog for adventurous hikes, but that will come when the skeleton is ready. I’ve already implemented a Recovery Questionnaire with my Coach to reinforce the utmost importance of balancing my ecosystems. This will serve as a maintenance checklist for my engine as I get ready to rev up the turbo boosters onto the long track of rehab monotonous loops, provided that Sports Medicine gives me the green-light that I desperately need both physically and psychologically. Applying principles from a previous active life to the rehab process is how my new sport of recovery has commenced. Tracking small wins and celebrating mini-milestones along the way will keep the purpose fueled on the quest to Return-to-Sport. The trajectory of physical and mental recovery is not linear or exponential, but more like a roller coaster. I thrive with purpose for leveling up to a good challenge and I’m challenging myself to completely finish a Return-to-Run progression before the end of the year (my new North Star) with no setbacks.
What I’m looking forward to over the next few weeks:
More disconnecting from technology – it is refreshing to unplug and stop the interruptions that throw my emotions for a tailspin.
More book reading – I’ve got a fresh stack lined-up read to go.
Adventuring to celebrate the next journey around the sun
Escaping to a rejuvenating getaway for an anniversary milestone
More biking, swimming, and upper body spicy shenanigans
All of these things I promise you would not have happened with my original summer chartered course. However, I have all the time in the world now and going to enjoy a chance to kickback from the ordinary. A summer of falling off the path to peak performance is not what I envisioned, but I’m going to keep navigating the journey to my new North Star and riding the winning waves in recovery as my new sport. Will I see you at that finish line?
1.) Magness, S. Do hard things: Why we get resilience wrong and the surprising science of real toughness. New York: HaperOne; 2022.
2.) Cheadle, CJ and Kuzma, C. Rebound: Train your mind to bounce back from sports injuries. London: Bloomsbury Sport; 2019.
Re-Energized Running 
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