4/22: Level 4 – Resiliency

Resiliency is not letting failure define you. I used to dread failure – at work, at school, in life, etc. However, in some ways, I was forced to confront my uncomfortable thoughts on failure when my skeleton kept failing again and again. Everything I did just wasn’t working. There have been a handful of times when I have wanted to quit and do something else—something I don’t take lightly. With every setback, I kept falling into a deeper darker hole. Yet, there’s always been a glimmer of hope—called resiliency—that has kept me intrigued to keep trying, sharpening the pencil, and doing everything better. When I started to believe in resiliency more, I started to fear failure less.

Today’s Level 4 run (4min run, 1min walk x8) was exactly spot-on with resilience — how much could I clamor against the 30mph southwest winds during five of my eight intervals. With every interval accomplished, it felt like stacking up bricks of success. When the wind blew harder, I had to focus on staying relaxed yet strong – something that takes a little practice. Historically, the wind destroyed one of my races in 2022 (re: Indy Half) and I remember vividly being very upset. But, then after a few heartbreaks and several failures, today I was appreciative for the wind making me work harder than I thought I could—resiliency at its finest.

One of my favorite authors, Brad Stulberg, discusses the phrase “rugged flexibility” when it comes to resiliency. It is pairing toughness and durability with adaptability and flexibility. Today, I was gutsy for taking on the wind, yet flexible in knowing that I needed to take things down a notch. I adapted to my environment. I exhibited resiliency, as I checked through Level 4 with absolute green lights for the skeleton and windy turbulence for the elements. I kept my ego in check, my brain on task, and my skeleton fought through each windy step with resiliency.

Sometimes we have to fail—and fail harder—to really appreciate growth on the other side. Resiliency is the key to bouncing back, this time with wisdom and strength.

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4/25: Level 5 – Confidence

A quick dictionary search reveals that confidence is a “feeling of self-assurance arriving from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities; self-trust.” If there’s one variable that I still am searching high and low for, it is confidence. Some days I have it and other days I just don’t. I used to be completely confident in all running pursuits and supporting workouts, but now sometimes I train on eggshells – wondering what the next setback will be or the next bone to crack. It’s not a great place to be so I’ve been working on piecing together a plan to find my confidence again. I had a plan to launch into a half marathon this spring before my fall marathon (both as a testament to rebuilding from injury), but that backfired in my face when I was sick for the winter months and erroneously broke a toe. Now, I’ll be “toeing” the marathon this fall with no other training race on the calendar—a bit crazy but maybe the right plan all along for my sensitive sassy skeleton.

As I work on confidence, I stumbled upon a few things during my lunch break that really hit home: “Remember your achievements: It’s tough to reflect on your wins when you’ve just had a loss, but those extraordinary achievements are part of the stellar record that’s gotten you where you are today. Remind yourself that more wins are yet to come and the low points don’t cancel out the high ones.”

This left me pondering about 7 wins for today’s 7 intervals (5min run, 1min walk x 7). To build my bank of confidence, I need to put some deposits in there. Here are 7 deposits when I felt confident in my fitness pursuits that I thought about on today’s run:

1 – Hou Half (2019) – I was determined to break 2hrs for the first time.

2 – Tokyo 26.2 virtual (2021) – I dominated my marathon goal because I had committed to strength training for 6 months.

3 – Charlevoix 26.2 (2021) – I ran my best marathon – with two fractures, a benign mass, and family drama.

4 – Plank Champ title (2021) – I walked into the gym post-injury recovery and stole my plank crown back before the end of the year.

5 – Biking 1000 miles over the past 10 months – I saw the goal and it became my focus point to get me through the hard days. I never doubted my ability to achieve that. I was happy to have found something that brought me joy.

6 – Tokyo 26.2 (2023) – I knew I would finish – even when I was on the side of the road ripping off my shirt because it was hot. It wasn’t the day I had envisioned but it was the day I was given.

7 – Berlin 26.2 (2024) – I’ll be toeing that line with a sense of redemption while also with a sense of gratification. I will have prepared the best that my body can tolerate.

Confidence will continue to evolve and re-develop, perhaps into something better than before. I’ll keep stacking up small wins and compounding the confidence, to have a curve of exponential success. That would mean the world to me and I’m going to give it all I’ve got. “Peace of mind happens when you focus on improving your game and mental ability – the wins will come.”

Today’s run went well – no pain, no squawking body parts, no fears circling, just in my zone trying to adapt to warmer weather. I kept reminding myself that “fitness will come, just relax.” I haven’t trained in summer weather since 2021, so I have to respect that a bit and just keep my head down focusing on one day at a time, with confidence.

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4/27: Level 6 – Gratitude

“Gratitude is an antidote to negative emotions, a neutralizer of envy, hostility, worry, and irritation. It is savoring; it is not taking things for granted; it is present-oriented.”

One of the many things I have been working is to live in the present – remember the past but don’t dwell there; keep the future in sight but don’t focus everything there. It has helped to embrace the “seasons of life,” as sports psych has reminded me often.

During today’s run, I chose to focus on gratitude. There are so many things that we can be thankful for, but we go on autopilot mode hustling from one agenda item to the next. I’ve had a few unplanned moments lately of peace and quiet, which I have spent thinking about gratitude. What am I thankful for today? The more I ponder this, I find that expressing or showing our gratitude is actually helpful to our inner dialogue and attitude. It also multiplies infinitely when you start reflecting on this question.

In no particular order, I thought about 6 items of gratitude during today’s run:

1 – Setbacks: They have provided me a closer lens to scrutinize my daily movement habits. I now have a better idea of when to rest vs when to stress.

2 – Emotional support: Sports psych has helped me with all the highs and lows of injury recovery, which I have learned is completely normal.

3 – Informational support: My coach has provided information about injury timelines and rehab progressions to return to full recovery. I would not be where I am, without all of it.

4 – Motivational support: My boss has provided motivation. He was the one who told me to hop on a bike 10 months ago for cross training – he knew I would find enjoyment in it.

5 – Tangible support: My significant other has made it possible for me to heal every setback by making sure I ate, slept, and rested.

6 – Happy place: My adventure place never disappoints. Every bad day turns around and every good day is more dynamic.

Today’s post-work run (6min run, 1min walk x6) was smooth, relaxed, yet hot. I knew I needed to stay on top of hydration during the work day and keep my fuel smart during the run. I didn’t let the unusually warm weather bother me, because I was just thankful to be able to run again. My run was smooth, like a sailboat moving across the waters of the lake. The ability to move is something that should not be taken for granted. “Movement is the essence of life.” I am so thankful to be able to move, pain-free once again.